Assume

I remember being taught the word assume; now I might be a little foggy on details; I can't remember if it was our classroom teacher or Sister who taught us the pitfalls of the word. Third grade was filled with many creative lessons that stuck with me; in fact, one I continually use each year and it really does work...we were taught that anything you can do to a garbage can is a preposition. Genius! Well sitting in a third grade desk, we were mesmerized by the magic of these little memory tricks. While the generation sitting in those desks now, with me in the front of the room. might not see these as dazzling as a YouTube rap, but they too sometimes are head shaking impressed when these memory tricks work.

So enter in one day after a not so grand day on the asphalt playground next to the church; Sister not happy with events of the day's recess came into our classroom, rosary beads and keys clanking and swinging at her side, we sat upright, quiet and stiff as a board. This clanking of keys and beads was an art in itself, how she could walk and move with such precision that the keys and beads clanked together just right to give the warning sound; and as we went up in grade level we became better at picking up on the pitch and volume as to ascertain her exact location in the hallway and her proximity to our classroom. Would you believe me if I told you as I typed that I actually sat up a little straighter in my chair? If you went to Catholic school you totally believe me and are nodding, oh yeah, I remember those moments!

She proceeded to march into the room, and in tow, there she was, the tattler! Not a super hero of comic books, she was definitely villain material! Our sore hands from writing 100 times, "We will get along at recess.", is proof of her rein of terror! The tattler had red puffy eyes; our eyes rolled as we saw her, here we go again. It seems the tattler had told Sister that ....

So I am more sure now that it was actually Sister, not our smiling freckled face teacher in her blue dress and pierced earrings (oh yes these were a fashion dream for a third grade Catholic school girl) who taught us the lesson. "Boys and girls do you know what it is to assume?", we heard in that serious Catholic voice. "Do you know how harmful that word is?", she said as if asking us, but we knew perfectly well that she was about to give us the answers to her own questions. Then she wondered why we just sat there and didn't raise our hands to answer questions she asked at times like these; she asked, but she didn't ever give us a chance to give our answers! Let's have a lesson on breaking words into parts... she drew lines as if we were about to play hangman, everyone was excited until, there it was on the board...

Gasps raised from the seats but were caught midair and pushed back into our mouths before they reached Sister's ears. She wrote the a double s word; right there on the board in front of our faces! But this paled in comparison to what happened next. She loudly said, "Boys and girls, when you assume something about someone else, you see what it does...it makes an ass out of you and me! Oh boy, we couldn't hold back the gasps this time, they flew around the room; she SAID the a double s word!!!

Fast forward many years later, and no I did not repeat this lesson with any of my classes and I don't have plans on it any time soon! It is a different time (possibly a good blog topic waiting to be written) and I don't know if there would be the shock and gasps like there were that day. It was so shocking that I don't remember the tattler's tale that gave us this lesson; but, obviously it stuck!

What brought me to this moment of nostalgia? It was being reminded myself about not assuming and what assuming does in our lives. Maybe the sight of Sister standing at the chalkboard, writing and then saying the a double s word, will forever be imprinted on my mind; maybe it brought a hearty laugh to your day, maybe it'll be shared around a table of friends; but, the lessons is real and valuable. Assuming not only makes an a double s out of u and me; it will also wreck havoc on the the strongest of relationships, and put a crack :p in your own peaceful life!